Friday, November 27, 2009

Breaking the rules

I am cheating, this post is not about my book in any way (Don't worry I will still be posting about my progress later tonight).

I just wanted to post about the things we do to buy Christmas presents. Is there anything as embarassing as visiting the "build a bear workshop?" If there is, I am yet to experience it. For those of you that don't know, you have to go through the whole procress of building a bear from scratch - well you have the outer shell already built for you.

You then choose a personal message to put in the bear so that when your loved one squeezes the bear it plays. Naturally, in order to do this, I take myself off to a quiet corner in the shop and record a nice little tune that my niece will like. So far so good.

However, you then have to take the bear to a saleswoman to be stuffed. I am no fuddy-duddy but what follows is how I spent my time in the building a bear shop. You can decide yourself if it is embarassing or not.

Saleswoman: Have you recorded your message.
Me: Yes thanks.
SW: Can I listen?
Me: I'd rather you didn't.
SW: We have to.
ME: Really?
SW: Just to make sure you have done it right.
ME: It is quite simple and I checked it.
SW: Let's just make sure (She presses the button and my far from angelic voice reverberates around the shop. Other shoppers snigger). Awesome (said in a distinctive American drawl). Now let's stuff your bear. (We walk over to the stuffing machine). Put your foot on the pedal.
Me: Sorry?
SW: The pedal, you want to bring your bear to life don't you?
ME: O.k. (I step on the pedal and the machine begins stuffing my bear or "bringing it to life")
SW: Awesome. Now select a heart (she points to a collection of stuffed hearts).
ME: It's ok. If it is going inside the bear she won't see it.
SW: Your bear needs a heart to survive.
Me: Really? (Said very unconvincing).
SW: Of course (I select a heart). Awesome. Now kiss the heart and make a wish.
Me: Done (I say just handing her a heart).
SW: You didn't kiss it. (I kiss it quickly as the queue forms behind me). What did you wish for.
Me: For the world to swallow me up.
SW: Awesome.
Me: Are you American?
SW: No I am from Addiscombe. Why?
Me: Just wondering.
SW: What is your bear called?
Me: He hasn't got a name yet. (She hesitates and waits patiently for me to answer). Wolfie?
SWW: Awesome.

I could continue but I will let you decide....