Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Star Wars - The deleted scenes

I haven't done much writing recently, but I am slowly getting to the stage where I will be picking up where I left off at the start of book 2. In the meantime, now that more eldest boy has discovered Star Wars or "Dun Dun" as he calls it (the start of the Imperial March music), I have been inspired to write a silly sketch about a scene from Star Wars that no one ever got to see:

Empire Strikes Back:
Setting: Lando has just betrayed our rebels by leading them to a dining room where Vader awaits. After effortlessly disarming Han, Vader says, “we would be honoured if you would join us.”
Han, Leia, Lando and Chewbacca enter the room and the doors close. Begin deleted scene:
DV: Tea anyone?
LE: Do you think we would drink tea provided you?
HS: Actually I am quite thirsty. Have you got blue milk?
DV: Blue milk?
HS: It is all the rage on Tatooine.
DV: Tatooine….I sense something, something I haven’t sensed since….
LE: Since?
DV: No matter. (Turns to a Stormtrooper) Get Solo some of the blue milk, in fact blue milks all round and a bowl of water for the dog.
CB: Grrrrrrr werr wen wer.
HS: He is a Wookie not a dog.
DV: (shrugs) 5 Blue milks it is.
HS: Can I have mine with ice please?
DV: It is milk. It is kept in the fridge.
HS: Oh, I would still like some ice.
DV: (Turns to the Stormtrooper) and some ice please (he shrugs in apology and  nods to HS in a “what can you do” kind of way.)
HS: I saw that.
DV: Hmm the force is strong with you.
LE: No it isn’t. It was just really obvious what you did.
DV: I decide who the force is strong with, not you.
HS: I just want a little ice.
DV: So you like ice do you? Interesting. I will bear that in mind.
HS: What does that mean?
LC: Hi, I know there are rumours that I have only been brought into this film because of equality, but I haven’t had a line in quite some time. Even the dog has had a line.
HS: He’s not a dog.
CB: Wrrr wen wer
HS: Not now Chewy. God you are so embarrassing.
CB: (More furiously), Wrrrrrrrrrr
DV: What does he want?
HS: (Sighs) He wants to know if you have a bone to go with the milk.
LC: Told you he was a dog.